Being Straight Edge

Being straight edge is so hard. And it’s not even the sobriety part, it’s just the controversy in my head about it. I don’t have any temptations to try any sort of drugs ever, addiction has been bad in my family for a long time and I want to break the cycle. 

Growing up with an abusive alcoholic for a parent, you either turn to drugs for release from the abuse, or stay the fuck away to refrain from becoming abusive. I chose the second one, but I think that even if my mom was normal I wouldn’t want to do them, they just seem… no fun.

And I’ve asked countless people why they do drugs, but I always get the same answer “it helps me loosen up”. And I just don’t understand how people need some sort of lubricant into having fun. Like, people know how to have fun, what their definition of it is may vary but I bet that EVERYONE knows how to have fun. Rocks know how to have fun, it’s like knowing what makes you happy. It’s simple and I don’t understand how something as complex as drugs can help you experience a simple feeling. 

In all honesty it’s just a fad, a very annoying one, but a fad. I say that because people do it to fit in all the time, they do it at parties and social gatherings not to have their own type of fun, but to conform and have someone else’s type of fun. Who is this someone else? We don’t know, I think it’s just society’s. 

The reason it’s so controversial in my mind is because it’s a social norm and I’m a minority. People often disrespect me when they find out I don’t do drugs, and sometimes try to make jokes about it when… I’m not laughing. 

It really does offend me when people that I want to be friends with won’t hang out with me just because I won’t smoke weed with them. However, if all you do is sit around and smoke weed all the time and you need that to have a “good time” then I don’t think I want to be friends with you. 

And people will walk around sporting “Leagalize it” merch, and put pictures of weed and them smoking and how they advocate weed all over facebook and tumblr, but if I post one thing about how I’m striaght edge, people get at me. It’s such a hypocritical world. 

And my entire freshman year, and people still now, people assumed I did drugs because of how I looked. So essentially, because I had bright colored hair and dark makeup I looked like a… druggie… Ahem, no a druggie looks like someone who is very skinny, eyes jumping out of their skull, and anxious all the time when they aren’t high ( and even probably when their high too). I hate it, superficial fuckheads. 

And so here’s the thing, for about a month know I’ve wanted to join the D.A.R.E campaign and see if I can do anything to help out. But I feel like a preachy asshole when I think about myself doing this, even though I’m not hurting anyone. 

It’s like I’m a fucking christian and the rest of the world is atheist and they discriminate against me for believing and yet I tolerate their bullshit all the time. 

I don’t know how I feel about programs that go into schools and teach kids about  drugs, because it’s mostly scaring them. I just want to educate people, to talk to them about what it’s like to be drug free. And gah! this makes me sound so stupid, and I don’t know why, I believe in it, it makes me happy when other people around me are drug free (even though most the people I hang out with aren’t), so why does it matter what others say? 

Eargh, I don’t know. 

It’s just really difficult sometimes. I just don’t understand how drugs are the norm… if they were then why do we have to get intoxicated in the first place… if we were meant to get intoxicated all the time wouldn’t we just have a natural bodily function for that? 

I mean pretty much all of my friends have gotten high or drunk at least once, I think two of them have never gotten intoxicated on anything ever, but they are the intraverts who never get out. I’ve never dated someone who is straight edge, ironic huh? And even my current girlfriend enjoys partying. 

It’s like everyone wants to go have fun and there’s no room for me, there’s no room to include me and just stay sober for one time. 

I’ve never been invited to a highschool party, never will, cause of this. 

sadofiausdflkajsdkj 

Thoughts are jumbling, going to stop now. 

Thanks for those who read this, nobody will though. 

(Source: livinginmiasma)